What Could I Have Done Differently?
A Reflection on Self-Criticism, Growth, and the Power of Firsts
I’ve always been hard on myself. I am my biggest critic. I don’t think I was always this way, but I remember when it started.
I was good at school — not because I studied obsessively, but because I relied on a photographic memory. My work ethic wasn’t the strongest. When I came home with B’s and C’s, my mother would look at me and say, “You should be getting A’s.”
That’s when everything shifted.
I’ve been through a lot in my life — more than most people my age. Without diving too deep: a life-threatening brain condition, a life-saving surgery. When people hear my story, they’re often surprised at how far I’ve come and how relentlessly I work. Some even try to make excuses for me, saying I should be doing less. But this piece isn’t about that. It’s about what my self-criticism has pushed me to do.
Let me start with two questions:
Do you remember your first?
It could be your first love, first bike, first car, first heartbreak, first win… anything.
Then ask yourself: What could I have done differently?
Let that sink in.
I let that sink in on March 24, 2023 — the day I released my first self-published novel:
Identical: The Switch.
It’s written in a unique hybrid format — part screenplay, part traditional novel — and based on a show I created. I wrote the whole series bible and all ten episodes of the first season before shaping it into a book. Readers told me how cool and easy it was to read, how the format pulled them in. The feedback was incredible, and the sales exceeded my expectations.
Still, I ask myself: What could I have done differently?
Here’s the synopsis:
In the pulsating heart of New York City, former World Champion Ronny Rodriguez had it all-fame, love, and the adoration of a city that crowned him the boxing prince of the Bronx. But on one fateful night, the glittering facade crumbled, leaving Ronny shattered, imprisoned, and deported, with only the ashes of his once-perfect life to cling to.
Now, eight years later, Ronny returns to the gritty streets of the Bronx with a burning obsession- to uncover the chilling truth that robbed him of everything. A shadowy conspiracy emerges, stretching far beyond the boxing ring, entangling him in a treacherous web of deceit, corruption, and danger.
As Ronny digs deeper into the city's dark underbelly, he unearths a sinister plot that not only hattered his dreams but threatened to plunge New York into chaos. With every revelation, he inches closer to the malevolent puppeteers who orchestrated his downfall, and the stakes escalate from personal vendetta to a fight for justice that could redefine the city's very core.
Betrayal, secrets, and unexpected allies pave Ronny's journey through the labyrinth of deception. In a final, high-stakes confrontation, he must confront the forces that sought to crush him and expose the truth that has eluded him for years. "Identical The Switch" is a gripping mystery thriller that plunges readers into the gritty world of boxing, deceit, and redemption-a pulse-pounding tale of resilience in the face of impossible odds.
Here you can see one of the reviews –
Looking back, I often wonder if I should’ve written it in a traditional novel format. Since releasing my second book, Baseball & A Girl, in a standard prose style, I can't help but ask: What if I had done the same with Identical?
Compressing over 1,000 pages of screenplay into a 566-page paperback (474 for the hardcover) was no small task. I had to cut scenes, storylines, characters — all to make it work in a hybrid form. I wonder now how long the book might’ve been if I’d kept everything and written it traditionally. Longer? Shorter? The same?
That question has led me to a decision.
Once I finish my current project, I’ll be revisiting Identical: The Switch — reworking it into a traditional novel format. My goal is to bring back the parts I had to leave out and breathe new life into the story. I’m doing this not out of regret, but because I believe in the story. Fully. And I want to give it every chance to reach the next level, including the possibility of being picked up by a traditional publishing house.
Why move away from self-publishing?
I’ve self-published two novels, and I’m proud of that. But self-publishing means you wear all the hats: writer, marketer, designer, promoter, social media manager. For someone like me — someone who just wants to write — that can become overwhelming. And truthfully, marketing isn’t my strength, nor my passion.
I’m not completely leaving self-publishing behind. I’ve made a personal vow to self-publish three books before I entirely shift gears. The third? A romance novel. Something new, something fresh, something exciting.
But just like your first love, first kiss, first heartbreak, or first win — I’m not going to sit around and wonder what if. I’m taking action. Because I believe in Identical: The Switch. I believe in Ronny’s story. And when you finally get your hands on the revised version full of more storylines and different twists & turns, I hope you’ll believe in it, too.
If you’re interested in Baseball & A Girl but need to know more about it, here is a review from Goodreads–
You can purchase both Identical The Switch and Baseball & A Girl online at Identical on Barnes & Noble , Identical on Amazon , Baseball & A Girl on Barnes & Noble and Baseball & A Girl on Amazon